As I write this Americans are starting to get ready for the real Hunger Games. Day like no other. The only day of the year when killing your fellow human beings over a pair of pants is not only legal, but highly encouraged by the Corporate America. A true spectacle to behold.
As ink dries, the crowds are starting to form outside big retailers. They are eager for battle. Brother will stand against brother, father against son and grandma, well, grandma will stand against everyone. As the clock strikes midnight game participants will literally rip down doors and stampede all over each other for a chance to snatch a TV or perhaps a $2 toaster. The few unfortunate weaklings who can’t handle the pressure will be the first to go with their brains splattered all over the entrance. As people continue to do battle insides the store, anything and everything will be used as a weapon.
The flat screen $49 TV’s will be the first to go. As fist fly and 70 year old grandmas deliver fatal blows, only a few lucky ones will emerge from this battle unscathed. As they run towards the checkout lane, unbelievable scenes begin to unfold all over the store. Kids beating each other to death with plastic toys, grown men cry as stores run out of cheap beer, nerds killing each with broomsticks over video games and otherwise respectable mothers are strangling each other with 39 cent panties.
As morally bankrupt do battle to buy shit they don’t need with the money that they don’t have, only a few will emerge victorious. I salute them.
***I dedicate this article to all the tributes about to die. Your sacrifice is incredibly important to the natural selection process. May the odds be ever against you.
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Just A Reminder. It’s Legal To Kill People This Friday